In the weeks leading up to the November celebrations of All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day, Catholics spend time tidying and decorating the graves of their loved ones, as well as praying at their resting places. This custom is not practiced in the Jewish tradition.
S. Eliana Kuryło explains: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipDonKUa-dc
These are not all the differences between religions and rituals related to the memory of the deceased. Catholic cemeteries are places where, quite often, the family and friends of the deceased come throughout the year, without any special occasion, to pray, reminisce, and reflect.
The Jewish tradition is completely different. Visiting graves is not a frequent custom. People do not even come to their family graves often. They visit before the Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah), which is celebrated in September or October.
Visiting the graves of loved ones before holidays such as Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur helps to meditate on holiday themes such as inner renewal, repentance, reflection on the purpose of life, and personal growth through memories of loved ones and what was good or bad in their lives.
In Jewish tradition, people visit cemeteries to pay their respects to the deceased. Psalms are recited, asking God to allow those who have departed from the world of the living, and in particular the person whose grave is being visited, to see His glory.
Cards and stones
Cards with personal intentions are often left on the matzevot of well-known rabbis and tzaddikim, but they are addressed not to the person buried there, but directly to God, with a request to reward the good deeds of the rebbe during his lifetime by blessing the person who leaves the intentions on his grave.
The issues related to the appearance of resting places are also completely different.
A tombstone among Jews is called a matzeva and is placed on the grave a year after the person's death. Impressive tombs are dedicated to prominent rabbis (rebbe) and their families. This type of tomb is called an ochel, or tent, and is a kind of synagogue. It is a place of prayer, of addressing requests to God, and of concentration," says Sister Eliana Kuryło, from the Community of the Beatitudes in Emmaus near Jerusalem, an expert on Catholic-Jewish dialogue.
Another difference concerns the decoration of the graves. Flowers are not brought to Jewish cemeteries because the deceased cannot take anything with them after death. For those who have passed away, earthly beauty loses its luster. "Placing flowers on graves is also associated with worshipping idols, which was and still is a practice in some pagan religions.
After death, everyone is equal. For this reason, care is taken to ensure that no graves are prettier than others, explains Sister Eliana Kuryło.
Stones replace wreaths and colorful floral arrangements. They are left to show that the deceased are still remembered and that someone visits their graves. Another reason is a superstition mentioned in the Talmud. It is the belief that if you read what is written on a gravestone, you will forget what you have learned while studying the Torah. “Stones, especially on flat graves, cover some of the letters on the matzeva, which makes it impossible to read the text on the gravestone accurately. This is a practical way of preventing the teachings of the Torah from being forgotten,” emphasizes Sister Eliana.
The common denominator between the two is the use of lights – on Jewish graves, as in the Catholic tradition, lamps or candles are lit, although this is a fairly new custom. Traditionally, lamps or special candles dedicated to the memory of the deceased are also lit in homes.
S. Eliana Kuryło, redaction by Monika Stojowska